One thing I’m pretty good at — and I have no idea why or how — is karaoke rapping. Part of it is that I annunciate decently, learn lyrics quickly, and can talk in the necessarily rapid fashion needed (the too-fast Yankee speak my grandmother always complained about has its benefits).
Another part is the simple element of surprise. No one expects the 30-something white chick in the Gap outfit to bust out Kid Rock or Naughty By Nature. And so I only have to be 75% decent to earn 100% credit.
My first experiment in the rap oeuvre was ‘Bust a Move‘ in about 1999, with my friend Kelly on chorus backup (‘You want it … you’ve got it’). I tried ‘Funky Cold Medina’ at some point, but found it overly slow and ultimately boring.
With different partners — most prominently Kelly and Amy — I took Sir Mix-a-Lot’s ‘Baby Got Back’ to near-perfection, where words aren’t needed and charades accompany appropriate lyrics. This tradition started in 1988, just before the song came screaming back in ironic fashion. It is all-but retired these days due to over-saturation, but it got the job done on a weekly basis for years.
In the mid-2000s, I took on a new challenge – ‘O.P.P.’ My first public attempt was at a bar in Tampa with Molly. Right before I began, a table of about 15 African-American women walked in and sat right in front of me. And they supported my every syllable, complete with high-fives at its conclusion. The speed of this one is the biggest challenge, and I refuse to do it if I’ve had more than two drinks. Unless I attempt this at a country bar (I’ll never make that mistake again), it rarely fails to impress (unless I’ve had more than two drinks, in which case it is an embarrassing hot mess).
At some point, I added Rob Base (and DJ Easy Rock’s) ‘It Takes Two” to the mix. Fun, but not as much a crowd pleaser as the others. No accounting for taste, or nostalgia. I also (once) attempted ‘The Bad Touch’ by Bloodhound Gang. I stuck every last word, from Lyle Lovett to FedEx to Waffle-House-hash-browns, and the crowd ignored the whole effort. Does no one remember this song?
This year, I tried my pipes at a little Kid Rock’s ‘Cowboy.’ It’s a world of fun, slow paced, and one of my new go-tos. The biggest challenge is getting out the P-word (as Naughty By Nature would say, “It’s sorta like, uhhh, well, another way you call a cat a kitty”) without stammering or blushing. I am, after all, a 30-something white chick in a Gap outfit.
Note that I never add any new songs to my repertoire, by the way. I’m all about nostalgia. No Nicki Minaj for me – at least not for four years or so.
That said, it’s time to add something fresh-ish to the mix. Want to help me decide? The first choice has the challenge of a word I will not say and so will have to swallow; the second and third contain super-dated references (do people remember Tom Green? Chris Kirkpatrick?); the fourth requires a bit of singing and is perhaps far too iconic to eff with. The fifth? I just don’t like as well as the others.
Leave any other suggestions you might have in the comments. And ‘Rapper’s Delight’ is off the table because it is just too damn long and I won’t do that to an audience.